What makes someone explode? Stress? Sadness? Contradiction? Friends? Someone we love hurting us? Get scold? No one cares about you? Someone effing your life? Pain in a heart? No one to speak to?
Ya, all of this might make someone explode and
I'm the one..
16 September, Friday..
luckily it's a holiday...
I exploded...I just
EXPLODED !! luckily I'm won't
commit suicide...
My big bro was sick yesterday..(as most of them know, I dislike my big bro but I act like I'm not disliking him because my family harmony~ -,-) he was sick and he scolded everyone without reason...he just sembelit..that's all..what big deal..compare with her sister coughing, flu, migraine + gastric, her sister never show face to anyone..even she fainted, she just wake up by her own without everyone noticing and just keep her mouth shut..now what big deal? just sick..everyone sick..not only him...*out of topic again...well, he scolded me and I'm mad, so, I spoke bad words to him...not a big one, just a very very very small one..but he just got mad and almost slapped me in front of a baby I'm carrying...then I let go the baby and I start to shout at the whole house...now, everyone gone mad...great~
I wanna cry...I wanna cry badly...but I don't want to show anyone that I cry...so, I hide myself into the toilet, and I have my body wet with my clothes on...I were mad, I were sad..but the only thing everyone in the house knows is I just spoke bad words to my bro...I started to cry..I cry loudly, badly...but I still can feel something bad in my heart...so,
I started to hit the wall using my knuckle...then I changed the aim
to my body, to my head, to my face and anywhere on my body I can hit...I hit and hit and hit til I can feel that my body was
weaker and weaker, I sat on the floor, lean against the wall...
panting...with the water flowing on my body,
I saw something red coming out from my mouth...getting more and more...yes, it's blood..I tortured myself til spitting blood...the first time I released that much stress...I wonder if stress can be count using %, how many % it will be in me? 60%? 70%? 80%? or more? I don't know....
I quickly rinse my mouth...but the blood just can't stop...I rinse and rinse and rinse, at last, it stop...I stand up, but I fell back down...I try to stand up hardly..ya, i did it..I walk up from the toilet and I get myself a towel and clothes...I dried myself up and change my clothes quickly...and I walk to the living room..I hardly can't walk at the same time...I get myself two cans of shandy...and I taste nothing...not even the low alcohol taste...and I just get myself in front of the tv and no one dare to ask me to do something (full-time 'worker' in my house, they never ask the younger neither the older one but me, but idk why i never reject/complain....)
The end of story..well, my family don't know I own a blog..so here's the only place I can speak to but why I'm stress, still waiting for someone suitable who can understand me to listen to...
